Tag: self care

Creativity, Self Empowerment, Spirituality

Gratitude as a daily practice

Jen Morris

 

There is a good deal of scientific evidence to support the practice of gratitude, much of it from Martin Seligman.

While I actively try to practice gratitude each day through simply thinking about what I’m lucky to have in my life, Seligman suggests writing a list of things that went well in your day, so that you have a physical record.

As a creative journaling addict, I look for any excuse to get out the art supplies and play! A daily gratitude list is the perfect excuse.

Seligman suggests that the reason we need to make a conscious effort to acknowledge what is good in our lives is because we are hardwired to look out for threats and danger.

We tend to spend more time analysing things that have gone wrong, rather than celebrating the good things, because in the past, it made good sense for our survival. Of course, things are  a little different now.

As part of your daily gratitude practice, take a few minutes towards the end of the day to write three things that went well that day. Also write why they happened. You should do this for at least a week to experience positive changes.

For example, my list today looks like this:

  • I wrote in my journal for two hours because this is important to me and I made the time
  • I slept in late because I needed the rest and wanted to look after myself
  • I wrote two blog posts, despite missing a day, because I’m committed to finishing the 100 Days Project

What are three things that have gone well for you today? Why have they gone well? Try to do this every day for a week and see how you’re feeling. It need only take 5 minutes tops!

Seligman promises that by practising gratitude each day like this, we’ll be “less depressed, happier, and addicted to this exercise six months from now.”

Sounds pretty good to me!

Creativity, Self Empowerment

Perfectionism: be gentle with yourself

Jen Morris

Well, it finally happened: I missed a day of blogging in my 100 days.

Not even for a good reason – mostly just poor organisation. I was tempted to beat myself up about this ‘failure’, but then I reminded myself of one of my intentions for the 100 Days Project: overcome perfectionism.

If anything, this is a good learning opportunity. I missed a day in my (so far) perfect 36 day blogging streak. In the past, I would have probably given up at this point because I’ve ‘messed it up’ (thank you years of dieting for this kind of thinking).

Actually, let’s be honest: in the past I probably wouldn’t have made it this far. I’ve mentioned before that it’s hard to blog every day. I actually think if I didn’t have followers I probably would have given up weeks ago. But I’ve managed to keep going.

And instead of using this missed day as an opportunity to berate myself for once again failing to do something right, I’m going to take the chance to congratulate myself for doing something well, and for getting straight back into it. I’m not going to let my perfectionism trip me up again.

I read an interesting quote about perfectionism:

At its root, perfectionism isn’t really about a deep love of being meticulous. It’s about fear. Fear of making a mistake. Fear of disappointing others. Fear of failure. Fear of success – Michael Law

Did I miss a day in my 100 days? Yes. Does that mean I’ve failed the project? Only if I stop here.

Life is not black and white, failure or success. It is not doing it right or not doing it at all.

Life is making mistakes, getting messy, quitting, then starting again, then taking a step back, then making headway, then hitting a wall, then trying again. It is never linear, it is never straightforward, it is never without error.

Celebrate what is going well, and be gentle when you make mistakes.

Speak to yourself as you would to your best friend, or a small child: you wouldn’t tell them they are a loser who you always knew would fail. You wouldn’t tell them to just give up now because they will never succeed. No: you would speak to them gently, you would remind them of what they’ve done well, you would encourage them to keep going.

Try to be aware of how you speak to yourself when you make mistakes or ‘fail’. How can you be more gentle with yourself?

Creativity

Journal prompt: The journey

Jen Morris

I was thinking tonight on the drive home from work how much I’ve changed over the past few years.

In particular, the past six months of consistent journaling have seen me reconnect with myself. This is a strange thing to say, but it’s true.

I feel more like myself than I have in a long time – possibly ever.

hot-air-balloonsIt’s like I was going through the motions, feeling like my life was a little off, not quite what I wanted – but I couldn’t put my finger on what it was that was wrong.

Now I know what was wrong. I was afraid (there’s that word again!). Afraid to listen to the little voice inside me – that’s when I could hear it – and afraid to make the changes I so craved to make.

I was afraid of failure, of what people would think, of having regrets, of not doing what I ‘should’ do.

And you know what? Fuck it. Life is too damn short.

I’m not afraid anymore.

The world is mine for the taking. I’m leaving behind the things that make me unhappy, the fears that people will judge me, or that I will make a mistake.

I’m creating an unconventional and exceptional life. I’m building a tiny house. I’m starting my own creative business so that I can work for myself, helping others and doing work I love. I’m creating regularly. I’ve quit dieting. These are just the first few steps towards a happier, healthier, more fulfilling life.

journey-quote

Here is possibly my most favourite poem, ever. It summarises my journey, and I’m sure, the journey of many others.

‘The Journey’ by Mary Oliver

One day you finally knew
what you had to do, and began,
though the voices around you
kept shouting
their bad advice
though the whole house
began to tremble
and you felt the old tug
at your ankles.
‘Mend my life!’
each voice cried.
But you didn’t stop.

You knew what you had to do,
though the wind pried
with its stiff fingers
at the very foundations
though their melancholy
was terrible. It was already late
enough, and a wild night,
and the road full of fallen
branches and stones.

But little by little,
as you left their voices behind,
the stars began to burn
through the sheets of clouds,
and there was a new voice,
which you slowly
recognized as your own,
that kept you company
as you strode deeper and deeper
into the world,
determined to do
the only thing you could do – – –
determined to save
the only life you could save.

>>> Prompts:

What is your journey? Can you describe it in a few sentences or paragraphs or a poem? If you’re stuck, try to write it in the second person as Oliver has done in her poem.

How have you changed?

Is there a journey you would like to take (either metaphorical or literal)? What is stopping you?

Do you feel like yourself? If so, how do you know? If not, why not?

Creativity

Art journal play: The first two art journal prompts from the 30 Day Journal Project

Jen Morris

I finally made some time to play in my art journal this evening.

I’m quite new to art journaling and I’m just trying to see what others do and pick up things from them. I also try to see what I feel inspired to do at the time. Sometimes this works, other times it doesn’t.

I love playing with different media such as stamps, washi tape, acrylic paint, watercolours, markers, collage etc. I also love the idea that I can just cover anything I don’t like.

I really feel my perfectionism creeping in when I’m working in my art journal.

grow

I’d like to learn to relax a bit and go with the process, rather than worrying about how it’s going to look in the end. I want my  art journaling to be more about the process than the result.

I haven’t shared much of my art journaling on here. I don’t actually do it as often as I’d like – it’s more time-consuming than pen and paper journaling, and also I guess I worry about it not being ‘good enough’. Which is silly really, because it’s not about that.

At the moment I’m following the prompts from Lisa Sonora’s 30 Day Journal Project. I love how she starts each list of prompts with ‘do one, some, all, or none, as you wish’. It really helps me to feel free to choose and journal how I most feel like it. One thing that I have found to be really difficult with projects like this are too many rules.

The first prompt is about beginnings. Lisa provided the quote, from Henry David Thoreau:

There is no beginning too small.

no-beginning-too-small

I wanted to bring in the idea of the beginning being like a journey. I’m starting where I am, which is literally Auckland, New Zealand on this map. But it’s also about starting where I am in my life right now – with the skills, feelings, and desires I currently hold.

So often I put things off because I’m waiting for ‘the right time’ – whatever that is.

But more and more I’m realising that starting where I am is fine. Starting now, in fact, is better. Start where you are. You are here. Move forward from here.

Have faith.

you-are-here

These words appear so often in my journaling. Faith is a ‘being value’ I’m forever working on – a character trait that I would like to possess. I so often doubt myself, my work, my dreams, my skills, the possibilities for the future. I remind myself daily to have faith that things will work out. It never fails to reassure me, and keep me on track.

have-faith2

Be bold.

Courage is another being value I’m working with. In case you haven’t noticed, fear is something that seems to follow me around! Reminding myself to be bold kicks its butt, though.

be-bold

The second prompt is to do with commitment. This is something I really struggle with.

I’m fine with romantic commitment (I’ve been with my partner for over 5 years) but most other forms of commitment are tough for me. The thought of a mortgage terrifies me. I usually don’t stay in a job for more than a couple of years. I move house a lot. I change my mind a lot about things: I lose interest, lose motivation, lose faith. In fact, blogging every day as part of this 100 Day Project is one of my best commitments so far.

I think I’m afraid of getting trapped in something I don’t want. And I’m also afraid that I won’t see things through, so committing to something can be really hard when I doubt that I’ll finish it. I worry about over-committing to things and getting too busy and stressed.

I love my freedom and like to make choices based on how I feel at any given time (this is why I find full-time employment quite hard). But, I also think there are benefits to really committing to something worthwhile and seeing it through.

commit

Most of all, I think it’s important to be gentle and kind to ourselves. You can only ever do the best that you can at any one time. You are doing the best you can. Go gently.

It’s a very strange coincidence – I didn’t read the text before I put it down and painted over the top. Then I noticed these words:

make-a-commitment

Just try it. Experiment…make a commitment. Respond kindly.

Or perhaps it’s not a coincidence at all. The universe works in mysterious ways when you invite creativity into your life.

Self Empowerment

Be present to be inspired

Jen Morris

I got home from work this afternoon and was in a bit of a rush. I had lots of things to do but I knew I had to walk the dog before I could do anything else.

So I threw on my walking gear, grabbed the dog and headed out. Usually I listen to an audio book when walking because otherwise I tend to get a bit bored. Today I left my headphones at home because I figured it would be a quick walk around the block so I could head home and get on with things.

And a funny thing happened. Instead of powering around the streets I noticed myself walking slowly.

I noticed myself noticing.

I heard things I never normally hear: the sound of the wind through the trees, the crunch of my shoes on the ground, children playing in a nearby park, the distant drone of a lawnmower, birds above me.

And it wasn’t just my sense of sound that was better – all my senses felt heightened. I noticed the warmth of the sun against my skin, and the gentle touch of the wind. I could smell the sweet scent of early spring flowers.

I even saw things around me that, for some reason, I normally don’t see. One house I walk past all the time has chickens in their front yard. Another has a cute little caravan nestled at the back of their lawn. I found myself noticing tiny details and wondering about them.

What made this walk different from any other walk I’ve taken? I was present.

Rather than rushing through the walk to get home, to get things done so that I could get to bed on time in order to get up early and make it to work on time… I was present in that moment. I was walking slowly and my senses were engaged. I was savouring the moment.

Sure, my heart wasn’t pounding, I wasn’t sweating profusely, nor was I toning my buns and thighs. But I felt a little more alive and a little more inspired, by being fully present in the moment. And now I find myself with a little more energy to go and work in my art journal, something I’ve been ignoring for days.

The word ‘inspire’ literally means to breathe in. By ‘breathing in’ the world around us through deliberate awareness, we can ‘breathe in’ inspiration.

If you find yourself feeling uninspired, take a moment to focus on the present. Savour what is in front of you. Sit somewhere comfortable and sip a cup of tea slowly. Sit in the sun and notice how it feels on your skin. Go somewhere that you can listen to the birds. Take a long bath and luxuriate in the feeling of the water against your body. Notice what your senses are picking up.

Breathe.

Creativity, Self Empowerment

How journaling improved my relationship

Jen Morris

When I first started journaling regularly, I began to develop a deeper relationship with myself. With that came a desire to express myself creatively and I even began to imagine the possibility of starting my own creative online business.

And something else happened too: my relationship with my partner improved.

I didn’t plan for this to happen. I certainly didn’t start journaling with the intention of improving my relationship. But it was a happy side-effect.

In fact, it wasn’t until I looked back on the benefits of journaling after doing it for several months that I realised how wonderful things had been in our relationship at that time.

Why did our relationship improve? I think it’s because I had made myself a priority.

It sounds paradoxical, but by putting myself first – by regularly journaling, connecting with myself and nurturing my creativity – I had formed a better relationship with myself, which had a flow-on effect to our relationship.

I’ve heard it said many times that you can’t love someone else or be truly loved by someone else until you love and accept yourself.

Over the past six months, through my journaling, I have developed a level of self-acceptance – no, self-love – that I have never before had.

For the first time in my life I can honestly say that I love and accept myself, exactly as I am, with all my imperfections. Journaling (and quitting dieting) has helped me to get to this point.

By loving and taking care of myself every day, I have become a happier, more secure and more creatively fulfilled person. And this has had a profound effect on my relationship.

In what ways? Well, we don’t argue very much at all. We actually spend less time together, because I spend a lot of time doing my creative things (he’s very understanding because he has his own creative things), but the time we do spend together is quality time. It’s enhanced by me being happier, more relaxed, more fulfilled and more in touch with who I am.

So, if you’re looking for a way to improve your relationship, try taking some time out for yourself regularly to journal or do something creative.

Have you noticed any outward improvements in your life or relationships because of your journaling practice?

What Inspires Me

Find beauty in the ordinary

Jen Morris

Today, take some time to look around you. Notice the beauty in the most ordinary things. Sometimes we can get so busy running from one thing to the next, or thinking about what is coming to us in the future, that we forget to notice the beauty around us now.

ordinary-beauty

Some of the beauty I noticed today:

  • Cuddles with my puppy
  • A hot cup of coffee
  • The scent of beautiful flowers
  • Dinner with my family
  • Laughs with my partner
  • Time alone to journal and be creative
  • A warm and cosy bed to come home to
  • A lovely comment on a blog post

There are many things I hope to achieve in the (near) future, but I also aim to remind myself of the beauty around me in my life right now.

Look for beautiful and ordinary moments in your day. Write your own list in your journal.

Creativity, Self Empowerment

On authenticity, vulnerability and courage

Jen Morris

These words are thrown around a lot. Especially the word ‘authentic’. It’s become a self-help buzzword, of sorts. What does authenticity really mean? I believe it is closely tied with vulnerability and courage.

Why? Because in order to be truly authentic – that is, to be truly yourself – you need to have the courage to be vulnerable, exposed. Being who you really are in a world that constantly tells you to be someone else requires courage. Especially if who you are is a little different.

The word vulnerability is a little scary, isn’t it? Sounds a bit dangerous, a bit risky. But really, there is a paradoxical truth here.

Vulnerability actually empowers us.

The more that we can truly own who we are, claim our identity and just be us – the less that others can influence us or hurt us. No one can take away who you really are. And if you know and love your true self, it really doesn’t matter what others think or say about you.

I’ve been finding that the more I come to accept and embrace – even celebrate – the quirks that make up who I am, the more I am forced to be vulnerable. I have to share myself, my true self, with others. It’s very difficult to tell ourselves that we are good enough while actively hiding parts of ourselves from others.

But a strange thing is happening: The more I share who I really am with the world, the more I am developing courage.

Brene Brown likens courage to swimming – you get good at swimming by practicing swimming. Similarly, you get good at courage by practicing courage. This makes sense.

So often we don’t share our true selves (our feelings, opinions, dreams, hopes, disappointments, fears) with others, because we don’t feel brave enough. We hide who we are; we are afraid to be vulnerable. We lack courage. It is only through the practice of being vulnerable that we can develop courage.

This can all seem a bit abstract. Let me put it in concrete terms. For me, vulnerability and courage look a bit like this:

  • Making peace with the way I look, including being overweight, and accepting that some people will have a problem with that (but that’s not my problem)
  • Accepting that others may judge me for some of my unconventional beliefs/choices (such as wanting to live in a tiny house, refusing to watch the news because it makes me very sad, not caring about things like fancy weddings or expensive clothes/makeup, choosing to be at home alone rather than out partying, refusing to eat low-fat dairy – because really, what is that?)
  • Being open about how I feel if I’m having a bad day
  • Asking questions when I am unsure, even if I think I’ll look stupid
  • Not caring what others think of me (still working on this one!)
  • Sharing personal things about myself on a blog!

But I’ve come to realise that in order for me to be authentic – to feel like I am accepting and loving who I am and just ‘being myself’ – I need to be willing to be vulnerable. I must have the courage to share who I am with others, regardless of what they will think of me.

Journaling has helped me immensely with learning to love myself and developing courage. The more often I engage in a journaling dialogue with myself, with my dreams and desires, my fears and opinions, the more I come to accept and even celebrate who I am.

Some questions to ponder in your journal:

  • What does authenticity mean to you? And courage? Vulnerability?
  • How authentic do you feel you are? Would you say that most people know the ‘real you’?
  • Are there parts of yourself that you deliberately keep hidden from others? What are they? Why do you hide them?
  • Are there parts of yourself you would like to share with others more readily?
  • How could you be more authentic? What parts of yourself could you start to share?
Creativity

Journal prompt: The ‘stop doing’ list

Jen Morris

I’ve started reading The Creative Entrepreneur by Lisa Sonora Beam, and I love it. I’m a very visual person and the thought of planning a business the ‘normal’ way bores me to tears. But this book is something else!

Anyway, I got this awesome idea from it: the ‘stop doing’ list.

We are so busy running around, dashing from one thing to the next, and running a mental checklist of all the things we have to do. I feel like I have a never-ending to-do list, and just when I think I’ve checked off something I find another five things to add to it.

The focus most days seems to be on adding to the list, rather than ticking things off.

As a highly sensitive person, it doesn’t take much for me to feel overwhelmed. On my busiest days, I sometimes find the simplest things to be too much.

While I find writing a to-do list to be helpful as it allows me to organise my thoughts, I really like the idea of a stop doing list. Rather than writing another list of things I have to do, things I’m cramming into an already full schedule, why not look for the things I can stop doing, the things that don’t really add any value to my life?

stop-doing-list

>>> Prompt:

Take a fresh page in your journal. You can complete this prompt in whatever way feels best for you: a list, a mindmap, visually, or just free writing whatever comes to mind. If you like to use a filofax or a planner, it might be nice to take one of your to-do pages and change the heading to ‘stop doing’!

Now, consider all the things that you do on a regular basis that don’t contribute anything to your life, or contribute very little. What can you take away so that you can allow more space for the good things to grow?

Here are a few of the things from my stop doing list – things that don’t add any value to my life:

  • Browsing Facebook and Instagram aimlessly
  • Online shopping for craft supplies (mostly – this is a tough one!)
  • Complaining about feeling tired
  • Watching TV shows/films I don’t absolutely love
  • Spending time with people who don’t support my dreams or don’t ‘get’ me
  • Going to bed late

Take one thing from your list and make a real effort to remove it from your life for the next week. See if it makes a difference! For the next seven days I really want to work on complaining about feeling tired – I really want to spend less of my energy thinking about that, and more energy focused on the good feelings.

I think it is essential that we take a good look at our lives from time to time to see what’s working and what’s not. It’s easy to fall into bad habits without realising.

If there are things you can take out of your life so there is more room for the good stuff – then do it!

Having more time and energy free to dream, journal, be creative, be positive and just move at a slower pace will contribute to a greater quality of life than keeping up with the Kardashians or catching up with friends you don’t really love to be with.

It’s your life and your time, so you get to choose how you spend it. I know we all have obligations (work, kids, partners, looking after family members, etc) but often we are spending our free time in ways that don’t actually add value to our lives. You have control over how you spend this time!

Stop doing the things that don’t add to your life.

Creativity

When you’re pulled to the page

Jen Morris

Some days I am more pulled to the page than others. Today was one of those days.

When I say pulled to the page, I mean I want to journal – not just when I sit down to do it, but all day. I think about journaling; I want to pick up my journal and just write. Usually I can’t because I’m at work.

For some reason today I kept wanting to sit down with a cup of coffee and my journal, even though I had journaled this morning.

I just wanted time alone with my pen and paper.

When you establish a regular journaling practice you come to rely on your journal to guide you and help you each day. I’ve come to learn that when I feel like I want to journal more than I normally do, there is usually a reason. It could be:

  • A sign that there is something missing from my life – e.g. not enough creativity or self-expression
  • A need for time alone without having to think of others
  • A need to process or work through something I am thinking about/feeling
  • A desire to check in if I feel a bit out of touch with myself
  • My heart calling out to be heard about something – e.g. a deep desire that has been ignored

It can be especially hard if I am feeling pulled to journal but I can’t. I feel a bit out of sorts, almost like I’m living two lives: my public life, where I go to work and am professional; and then my private life where I just want to turn inwards and listen to what my heart wants.

The first thing I did when I got home was pull out the washi tape and stamps, decorate a journal page and write.

It made me feel so much better. Now I just need to listen to the little voice inside and see where it guides me.

Do you ever have days where you feel like you just want time alone to journal?